Punishment and Coercion. Ugh.

The best classroom environments are found where students are following classroom rules and learning is taking place. Typically, learning cannot take place when the classroom environment is chaotic, especially when classroom rules are not being followed. I appreciate a calm atmosphere but I do not believe, however, that a smooth transition from subject to subject can take place when punishment exists in a classroom.

Saying I disagree with punishment would be an understatement. Punishment never seems to fit the "crime" when it comes to children. I scoff at parents who spank their child for hitting their sibling. What does that teach? The child becomes angry with their sibling, maybe they want a toy, maybe they what the sibling to leave them alone, and then the child hits their sibling because they are angry and frustrated and communicate their feelings as such. The hit sibling cries for Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad punish the child by taking their anger out and hitting the child. What did this child learn from getting hit by their parents? Did they learn how to communicate better with brother/sister when they are angry and want that toy, or want to be left alone? No. The child was only reinforced with the belief that if they are angry with someone, it is okay to hit them.

I have a better alternative. In the beginning of a child's development, they have very short attention spans. When a negative behavior is observed by a care giver, the care giver should redirect, or distract, the child. "Let's read a book," "Come play with this toy." Children naturally out-grow the redirection on it's basic level, and that is expected.

Once a child develops a longer attention span, it is more acceptable to have a discussion with the child about their inappropriate behavior. When a negative behavior is observed, it is much more logical to speak with the child concerning the negative behavior (as along as their bodies are in control.) Often times, a negative behavior starts a chain of negative behaviors.

Let's reuse a previous example and take the child that just hit their sibling. Both children are crying and yelling as they run up to you. As long as the child(ren)'s body is in control I follow these steps to resolve the conflict:
1. Get down on the children's level and speak to them. (Crouch down so you are eye-to-eye if possible. Bending over the child to speak to them is often just as intimidating as standing three feet above them scolding them.) If there is an item of conflict present, place the object between the children. This naturally prompts them to face each other.
2. Ask the children to talk to about what happened, why it happened, and how it made them feel. Feelings are so important! (Why do we, as adults, want to discredit children's feelings so quickly?) Too often, it is repressed or denial of feelings that cause the bursts of negative behavior.
3. Depending on their age level, you can guide them into a conversation about how to avoid future incidents.
4. Lastly, and this step is the most important, is to let the the child(ren) decide what they feel the consequences for their negative behaviors should be, (which reinforces self-discipline.)
This basic model can still be used for negative behaviors that do not stem from a conflict between two or more children. Instead of the child talking to another about how they feel, they should tell YOU how they feel and discuss what happened and why and how they can do better.

I also prefer to offer alternatives to avoid situations where many parents and educators would simply coerce the child into an option. Allow the child freedom with one just word, "or." For example, "Would you like to read this book or that book?" In the caregiver's mind, the child is provided with limited choices which are approved by the caregiver. In the child's mind, they are given freedom without too many confusing choices.